Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

When I think of the number of disagreeable people that I know who have gone to a better world, I am sure hell won't be so bad at all.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved it.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

If you take a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you. This is the primary difference between a dog and a man.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

There are times when one would like to end the whole human race, and finish the farce.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to bring the news to you.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards